Why is it when my husband goes away for a few days things get a little easier?

I often wonder if this happens to anyone else or if it is just me. I feel like when my husband takes a few days away things are more controlled and overall just more light. This is not, in any way, to bash my husband or husbands all over the world. I am very realistic to the fact that I could not do it alone all the time. I am aware that part of the reason things may seem great while he is gone is because I know it is temporary and he will be back. But, the time that he is gone, it almost seems like I get more of a break from the madness.
Recently, my husband went away for a four day boy’s trip. I figured, when he arranged it, that I would just have my mother come and stay with me for a few of the days, because I need another adult to talk to. But then I found out that she planned a trip for herself at the exact same time as his trip. I could not believe it. I was going to have to be alone with my kids for four days and there was going to be no one to help me. I really was not sure how I was going to do it. Get the kids to school, get to work, get them off the bus, which by the way, the bus comes before I am out of work, get them to all their after school activities and so on and so on and so on.
Because I have a type A personality I knew that I could handle the situation as long as I was super organized, but my biggest panic, my biggest fear was dealing with their little lovely bratty personalities. My daughter is almost 16, so every time I ask her to do anything it is a problem. Literally, I could ask her to please go to the bank and deposit a $1,000,000 check into her account because I am giving her a million dollars and she would still huff and puff and tell me I a ruining her life because I will not let her just lay down and watch YouTube videos. Then there are the two boys, ages 6 and 5. Do you know what boys at that age love to do all the time? Yes, touch their penis all the time is one of the top five things, but lately the number one thing is FIGHT! Fight about everything. Who woke up first, who brushed their teeth faster, who got dressed faster, who can sing louder, who gets to pick the TV show they are watching…oh and they have 8, yes 8, televisions to choose from. Every person that lives in my home could watch their own TV shows as often as they want, but the boys, they want the same one. From 6am to 9pm, all’s they do is fight.
I had no idea how I was going to survive it. I figured when my husband returned home he would find me sitting in the corner chair in a far off stare mumbling bub bub bub, you know, like Goldie Hawn in Overboard. IN FACT…that is the best movie to describe the scene that is my life. Goldie dealt with it for one day and went bat shit crazy, four days would be the ultimate test.
But, nothing like that happened. The complete opposite happened, actually, and I am still trying to figure out why.
My husband left me that Thursday morning with a huge smile. Mostly because he was excited for his boys weekend, but part of me believes he was looking forward to me getting pay back for all the times I traveled for work and left him. For many years I traveled a lot leaving him in charge. I would call from the road and hear what sounded like my TV crashing down from the wall, child #1 throwing a temper tantrum, the dog barking, my husband screaming at the top of his lungs to get down from the counter, then my other line ringing because child #2 was calling me from our Alexa to tell me how mean daddy was being and my husband ultimately telling me it was crazy and he had to go. When I finally did return home, he looked defeated and the conversation always started with “You have no idea how horrible they have been.” Needless to say, I travel a lot less.
That Thursday morning, after he left, something strange happened. There was no noise. It was quiet. I was immediately worried. I ran upstairs, thinking that they both were unconscious, a million things running through my head. I got to the top of the stairs and heard “Arrr…hand over the treasure. Arr, Arr. Do you want to walk the plank?” I peeked into the room to find both boys playing pirates. I was in disbelief; so much so I had to video tape it…and I also had to send it to my husband, because, well just because.
From there, we had a great four days. First and foremost, I have to say that I am very lucky to work where I work as they allowed me to work from home for two days. That was a life saver and played a big role in ensuring I could meet all my obligations as a single parent with limited stress. My company is kind of wonderful. But all the kids were good. They did everything I asked them to do when I asked them. They even vacuumed up their own crumbs when they made a mess. There was no special talk that I had with them. I did not bribe them in any way. So it made me wonder what I was doing differently. Why were they so good for me? Don’t get me wrong, all three of them had their moments, but overall, if Santa’s NICE list was based on just these four days, all three kids would kill it with presents.
After lots of evaluation I think I figured out what the difference was. Me. It was me. I was different. I was less stressed and less crazed. I only had three people to worry about instead of four. It is like when you have two kids all the time and someone takes one for the night and you go out to dinner with just one. You always turn to your spouse and say “Wow, one is so much easier than two. I could do this one kid thing all the time.” Well the same can be said about husbands. While he was away I ran the show the way I wanted to. I did not have to take into consideration his feelings or thoughts on a situation. I did not have to stress out over whether I made him upset by choosing to give them ice cream after their shower instead of before. Instead of putting them in their beds at night, only to have them wake me up in the middle of the night several times to sleep with me, I just let them sleep with me from the start (I know that some people are cringing right now at that example). Point is, the only thing I had to think about in each situation was what would work best for the kids and what worked best for me. By no means was I a push over. I was not. I still had my fair share of eff bombs over the course of the four days and I may have told them to that if they did not stop being bad they would have to move out, but whenever my husband called I was able to stay on the phone for hours if I wanted to. I realized that I worry so much about how the situation is going to affect him, that I put so much pressure on myself and the kids to make the right decisions and choices. And what I wind up doing is making all the wrong ones and making everyone miserable including myself.

Unfortunately, I know that now that he is back I am not going to make this radical transition. It does not work like that for me. It is in my DNA to always be concerned about the other person’s feelings. I have tried to explain this to my husband several times and he totally gets it. So he has told me to keep being me but just put that extra attention on our sex life and it will be a win win. Ugh…that is a whole separate blog topic. Until then, shout out to all the single mommies out there. You are all doing an amazing job.