Work-life balance. It does not exist. THE END. 

Okay, so that is a little bit of an exaggeration, but not too far off from the truth. It sounds great when companies tout “flexible work life balance” or “flexible work hours”. Makes a mom really feel like they will be able to have the best of both worlds. Be career oriented and contributor to the family finances and also be a great mom, attending all sporting events, helping with transportation to and from practices, making doctors’ appointments, going to school meetings and and and…the list is endless of what moms do.

So how does one achieve work-life balance? Well, it truly depends on your definition of the term. The definition of balance means a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.  Add the words work-life before balance and the term can be defined, for moms, as an equal amount of stress from work and an equal amount of stress from life. Gee, that sounds like a lot of fun. Can’t wait for some more work-life balance. Just pile it on. Not like we moms have anything better to do.

As a full time working mother of three, I can honestly say that I have read tons of articles on how to get the work-life balance and have tried to implement the five tips for better work-life balance. But damn, those five things are really hard, and if most of us are in the same boat, WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THE FIVE TIPS. The reality of the situation is this. If you are the person who is trying to achieve work-life balance, then you must understand that you will carry the burden of trying to make it all work. The pressure and stress will not change at work just because a company preaches they support WLB. No one comes in your office at 5pm when you are stressing to get home to start the next eight hour day you will put in before you head off ,for possible six solid hours of sleep and says “hey, we know you are trying to have work-life balance and we promote that, so we are going to finish up that project for you and stay late and get it done, so you can leave.” It is more like “We know you have to leave at 5pm today, so have that done by 3pm.”  If you are going to be a working mom that is the reality of the situation. You have responsibilities to the company that employs you and you have to get your job done. The job does not change because we decided to become moms.  It just gets harder and more exhausting and you feel guilty every minute of the day because somewhere along the line, you are disappointing someone.

So now you leave work knowing there is still a lot to be done and head off to home to get all the household responsibilities finished. I always feel like when I walk through the door I am punching in for my next full time job, sort of wishing I was back at my other job where the people are so nice and actually ask questions about you and how your day is going.

At home it is full on mom mode, sweatpants and all. Do homework, make lunches, go to practices, go to dance, take showers, brush teeth, fight to get the kids in bed, get them water so they can fall asleep, finish the laundry and by finish I just mean putting the clothes from the washer into the dryer and pressing start, considering, and I do just mean consider, having sex, finish up some last minute work work, put child one back to bed, make a list of all the things you have to do tomorrow and carry over the ones from today that you missed, and maybe just maybe, by some grace of god, catch the last 15 minutes of the Real Housewives of NY reunion part three (you were too busy to catch reunion one and two). Rinse, cycle and repeat.

The next day comes and it is back to the races, just trying to keep up with the demands of work and the demands of life, never ever feeling accomplished in what you got done for the day because there is always something that was missed. A mom could literally get 150,000 things done in one day, things that most people marvel at and say “Wow, I want to be just like her when I have kids”, but she shrugs it off, more worried about what she could not get done versus being amazed by what she did. And unfortunately there is not a cheering squad behind her telling her how amazing she really is, but it is not a bad idea and something that sounds like a great anniversary gift.

The struggle for the work-life balance, or as I like to call it, the work-life IMBALANCE is REAL. There is no simple solution to the problem and as demands and pressures of work and home just continue to grow, the thought of having any balance at all just flies out the window.

So what do you do? How do you survive it and #killit at work and as a mom? Again, there is no simple solution, but there are little things we can all do to try and manage the demands of “work-life balance” (only listed three below, because no one has time for five!)

1. Establish boundaries at work. Maybe before kids you worked until mid-night every night. You were always the person the team could count on to be there helping everyone. It didn’t matter how late it was, you were not leaving a man behind. Well, things change when you have kids. Set boundaries quickly at work. It might not mean leaving work every night at 5pm on the dot, but it might mean letting you co-workers know that tonight you have to leave at 5pm, but if needed can stay a little later the next night. Communication is key.
2. Make lists. Doesn’t matter if they are on multiple pieces of paper, make them. Get the thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Need to buy new shoelaces for your son’s shoes, write it down. If you make the list then you do not have the added pressure of trying to remember what it was you were supposed to do. You already have so much to think about every second of every day, write down what you can. And when you make lists, your partner can review the list to see what they could possible do to help.
3. Ask for help and accept the help. This one I am still working on, but it really should be considered number one. It is the most important. Whether it is at work or at home, ask for it and take it. Don’t feel bad and don’t feel guilty. You deserve it.

But at the end of the day just remember it is okay to not be balanced. We cannot get it all done all the time. Truth is, our 60% effort is someone else’s 120%. We are super human beings, almost unicorn like. Be amazed by what you have accomplished instead of worrying about what you did not. Oh, and teach the kids early on how to make their beds, do laundry and whip up a bowl of Fruity Pebbles (yes, I know, not the healthiest option, but I’m lucky if there is food in the pantry).