I’m a mom. Where did my FEISTY go?

For a long time I have been thinking a lot about life, as I am sure many moms do. From the outside, I’ve got it all going on. I did everything right. Went to college, graduated in 4 years on the deans list while playing a college sport. Got a full time job one month out of school. Moved up in my career and became a VP at my current firm. Got married at 30 and by 33 had two beautiful healthy little boys and a step-daughter. Have a beautiful 3,900 square foot home. Go on regular vacations. Life is good. Life is great. I am very lucky and very grateful. But putting that all aside, I still have this pit in my stomach. This feeling of “so now what”. I have hit all these major milestones. I have accomplished so much and I am a great mother. Like I am winning at being a mom #winning. I feel very successful in all my accomplishments, but why don’t I feel fulfilled. And how horrible am I that I do not feel fulfilled. I realized that despite how successful I am, success without fulfillment is not success at all. I feel like I have lost my purpose, and I am hellbent on finding it.

Now, some people may say that I am delusional because how could I possibly feel like I do not have purpose when I have children and children are the greatest purpose in life. Are they? Are they really? I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world and they are my everything. I cannot imagine life without them, but outside of taking care of their every need, I am just wondering who the hell am I and what do I want out of my life. I have made it my mission to ensure my family has what they need to meet the world head on each and every day. But then what about ME. Call me selfish call me ungrateful, call me anything you want, but I have decided that I am going to start to figure out my purpose in life and my growth journey. Saying it is all about the kids is just a cop out in my opinion. It is just an excuse to not put the effort in. I am going to redefine being a mom and I am going to create the legacy that I WANT to leave. It is time for me to start taking action and planning my life and trying things I never thought I would. It is time for me to find my FEISTY.

I am starting with this blog. I have been wanting to create an outlet for my thoughts. I also have been told that I can be a little funny. If I can share something that relates to someone,  can bring joy to someone, or give them a little giggle, then this is all worth it. BUT, I am so scared to post this and anything else I write, but I have been learning that what is holding me back is FEAR and I do not want to be fearful anymore. Sometimes the unknown can be exactly what we need! So here’s to launching FEISTY MOMMY and cheers to the unknown.